Cloak-and-Dagger In The Deer Park

The story of espionage continues to enthrall and fascinate. At one end of the spectrum is its enduring fascination with the bleak landscape of human character and its infinite capacity for deception. But, at the other extreme, some stories bordering on the absurd also do manage to escape through the chinks. This also has its utility: it shows up the lengths to which people go to serve a nebulous concept called country. For example, imagine an East German spook (probably working for the fabled and reviled organisation called Stasi) spying against a West German scientist or liberal artist. Both are Germans with a similar DNA structure, write and speak the same language, eat the same cuisine and pretty much drink the same beer. So, who is more loyal to whose country?

But here is a story that takes the cake. This story was front-paged -- and headlined How Bambi Met James Bond To Save Israel's 'Extinct' Deer -- by Wall Street Journal. It's about how the Israeli secret service burst some veins in trying to smuggle a certain species of deer out of Tehran on the eve of the Shah's overthrow by the Ayatollah faithfuls. Enjoy.

R-Day Ruminations-I: Crime & Politics

Two stories in today’s Times of India need some kind of response.

The first one is about Sonia Gandhi voicing her desire (read original story here) to keep criminals out of politics. She said this at a function to celebrate the diamond jubilee of the Election Commission. At the same event, prime minister Manmohan Singh rued the fact that the best minds don’t want to join politics because of the unruly elements who populate this space. Both – including many others at the celebrations -- have a point and it is interesting to see how they translate this thought into action.

But, just banning criminals might not cleanse the system of its venality. The rot begins with the way the profession is financed. With little or no accountability, most political parties depend on business for their financing. And, a large part of this is in cash. An accountant recently told me that even new generation entrepreneurs who wanted to run transparent and well-governed businesses – especially in manufacturing -- couldn’t help dipping into the shadowy cash economy once in a while to keep greedy politicians and bureaucrats at bay. Pay-offs are hard-wired into the system of approvals, clearances and licences; denial only begets reprisal and redressal mechanisms are way too effete to deliver timely and meaningful justice.

It all starts here. Untrammelled access to such large pools of cash naturally draws in all kinds. One consequence is the large percentage of political sons and daughters inheriting their parents’ mantle. When large sums of money – held through a web of shell companies in India and abroad – are at stake, most politicians are loath to leave this fortune to a political party or to other political (essentially non-family) successors. Merging the political heir and family heir into the same person is a neat arrangement. Here’s another pointer: nobody seems to bat an eyelid when politicians disclose large increases in their wealth despite not having any disclosed sources of income. One politician even ingeniously explained it as gifts from fans!

If they are indeed serious about ridding politics of its goonda elements, then Sonia Gandhi – and hopefully Rahul Gandhi – will have to bring the broom to campaign finance first. The Election Commission has been trying to introduce a semblance of accountability to campaign finance by putting a ceiling on how much each candidate can spend on his or her election campaign. But, this ceiling is observed more in breach for two reasons – one, the candidate’s campaign bills are mostly picked up by someone else and, two, because nobody monitors how much each political party spends at a broader, national level.

The problem that then arises is this: campaign financing doesn’t stop once the election results are announced because election funding is inextricably linked to post-electoral favours in the form of sweetheart deals, land allocation and lopsided government contracts, which then provides a platform for additional future funding. Perhaps, the EC should also play a role in reducing the size of the government and its capacity to influence business investment decisions. I know this is asking the EC to go way beyond its constitutional remit. Plus, one can’t overlook the additional danger of a megalomaniac EC wreaking havoc. But, some institutional mechanism can be devised in conjunction with other constitutional offices (such as the Comptroller and Auditor General of India) that works to reduce the multiple government approvals – both at the Centre and the states -- that force businesses to generate unaccounted cash.

Many authors and historians have written that the politics of Sixties and Seventies marked the end of numerous Indian institutions. I hope we are able to witness the rebuilding of some of them in this new decade. That’s also a necessary and sufficient condition to end criminalisation of politics.

R-Day Ruminations–II: Cricket and Not-So-Cordial-Entente

Speaking of institutions, there is a danger when organisations with a limited role – particularly in sports and entertainment – go beyond their ken and meddle in unrelated fields. The conduct by Indian Premier League (IPL) is not only most curious but borders on the dangerous.

If reports are indeed true, then home minister P Chidambaram’s outburst (read here) at the wilful boycotting of Pakistani players by the IPL franchisees adds a new layer to this fetid mess. PC denies that there was any nudge-nudge, wink-wink from the government, or any signalling to IPL franchisees to snub Pakistani players. Interestingly, and somewhat inexplicably, filmstar Shah Rukh Khan has also suddenly emerged out of the woodwork to voice his displeasure at the turn of events.

But, IPL is playing an extremely hazardous game if it is indeed over-estimating its clout and trying to use that to influence the country’s foreign policy. Last year, it locked horns with the authorities by shifting the IPL matches to South Africa because the government said it could not provide adequate security for players in view of the impending general elections. What was appalling was IPL’s intractable stand.

First, it refused to pay for and provide private security. Strange as it might sound, here was a private enterprise (admittedly with a sound business model) which wanted the government to spend tax-payers’ money to help it carry on its private business. Cute. But, what was even more worrisome was the fact that it refused to pay heed to the government’s legitimate reason for its inability to provide security: general elections across the country with a gruelling schedule spread over 30 days. The message from IPL was posed like a question: what’s more important, IPL matches or elections?

In this latest display of audacity, there are rumours that the government might have conveyed to the IPL franchisees that the responsibility of ensuring players’ security lay with the League. And, if reports are to be believed, it is this that might have prompted franchisees to give the Pakistani players a miss. Whatever the reason might be, IPL needs to get some reality check. Celebrity status for some of its members doesn’t guarantee immunity from national priorities.

Build Me A Rainbow

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
For the town to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can.
With each loud "cheep" "swaqwk" "honk" "quack"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."

If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

-- From the musical Fiddler On The Roof

Had Topol known the extent of extra-constitutional powers enjoyed by builders in modern India’s cities, he would have probably sung a slightly different set of words for this famous musical. Attacking women, defenceless men, elderly citizens keen on preserving the ecological balance is the only vocabulary builders use to counter dissent. But, how come they’ve got away each time?

Obviously, the political apparatus has been co-opted full time. In Bombay, the builder-politician-mafia nexus has been thriving for years. But, earlier, builders knew how to keep their distance, and rarely got into the public spotlight. They were seldom seen, never heard. But, today they want their pictures printed, aspire to celebrity status and even crave for recognition. Their daughters and sons want a piece of the Bollywood action too. Any dissenting voice is seen as a threat to this sublime equilibrium and needs to be silenced, even if it is with brutal force.

Their deep pockets have ensured a safe passage every time. One builder, accused of short-changing the state revenue department by deliberately mis-stating the area of the apartments he’s been selling for years, even crowed to fellow builders that the hullabaloo would quieten down soon after some money was spent – on politicians and on newspaper advertisements! Like the famous playwright Noel Coward said so fittingly: “The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.”

Idiots vs The Book

The “3 Idiots” controversy seems to be dying down – this is evident from the declining column centimetres devoted to the issue and the reduced decibel levels in the television channels. So, in keeping with my predilection for lagged responses, I have decided to wade in when the brouhaha seems to be fading.

First, a disclosure. I have seen the movie but haven’t read the book. I don’t particularly admire Chetan Bhagat or his style of writing or even some of his ideas that seem to appeal to some youngsters. A recent piece he wrote for the Sunday Times of India (Don’t Fix History, Look At The Future, August 30) seemed particularly strange. Anyway, Bhagat cannot be denied his share of adulation. He has many fans across the country and, like every citizen in this country, he too is entitled to his views. And, if he finds support – as well as admiration for his work – then he is jolly well entitled to it too.
But, to come back to “3 Idiots”, my daughter has both read the book and seen the movie. She seems to think that the book is indeed the launch pad for large chunks in the movie. Sure, there are some dissimilarities and some deviations, but that’s cinematic licence. She seems to be convinced that the movie is based on the book “Five Points Someone”, and there’s very little chance that you can use ‘technicalese’ (such as, the legal agreement brandished by the movie director and purported to have been signed by Chetan Bhagat) or spin to persuade a 15-year-old to change her opinions.
Assuming that the book has indeed laid the foundation stone for the movie, then a larger Bollywood malaise seems to be rearing its head again – scant regard for intellectual property. The issue has plagued most musicians and producers over many decades now but Bollywood seems unable to shake off the indolent habit of copy-paste. Sure, there are directors like Vishal Bharadwaj who have juxtaposed famous plays from Shakespeare into a contemporary Indian setting, and acknowledged their true source of inspiration. But, as an industry, by indulging in its addiction for a regular fix of “lifted” tunes, plots and scripts, Bollywood is doing itself great disservice.
If Chetan Bhagat’s claim is indeed true, then it once again shows up a twin-faced Bollywood -- which doesn’t respect intellectual property rights but immediately gets into a huff when pirates hawk a copy of the latest release. If the makers of “3 Idiots” are indeed in the clear, then society should reflect whether it should continue endorsing a revolting persona who has been weaned on easy publicity.

Sea Linked Spasms

The Bandra-Worli sea-link has now become a regular fixture on my commute to work and back. Hence, my attention is drawn to any new development affecting traffic on that short stretch (such as the recent drive by traffic cops to discourage speeding).
But, somewhere in all the hysteria surrounding the two recent and rather tragic accidents that prompted the recent drive, commentators have forgotten to ask two basic questions. Here they are:
1. Why does the sea-link, despite the huge cost and time over-runs, still have only four lanes open to two-way traffic, against the eight lanes planned earlier? The bridge (because that’s what it actually is) was originally supposed to be constructed at a total project cost of Rs 400 crore but has finally ended up costing Rs 1,800 crore, and the bill is still mounting. Plus, the original plans envisaged opening eight lanes to traffic, of which only four were opened to the public initially. The remaining four were supposed to come on stream in November, but still show no signs of nearing completion.
2. Who thought up the crazy toll structure on the link? You need to pay Rs 50 if you’re travelling one way only. This climbs to Rs 75 for a return journey. Fair enough. But, if you’re planning on buying a monthly pass, you have to shell out Rs 2,500. This one beats all logic. If we assume 26 working days in a month, at Rs 75 per day, the total bill should not exceed Rs 1,950. Even if they decide to charge for all 30 days, the total works out to Rs 2,250. So, why Rs 2,500? Somebody tells me that the bureaucrats, who finalized this rate, wanted to take into account the possibility of somebody making multiple journeys across the link on the same day!!
Typically, the toll structure is the highest for a single journey, with concessions built into the return journey and the monthly pass being issued at a deep discount. The idea is to lure traffic – and committed upfront revenues -- to the facility. But, the toll structure proposed on the Bandra-Worli Sealink might make it difficult for the concessionaires to achieve their targeted IRR.

Caffeine Redux

Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, or so said some smart alec. I have been away from this blog for a while now, primarily due to growing pre-occupations with my new day job and the associated travails of getting used to new timings. Add a dash of laziness and a reduced (as well as a changed) reading diet and this blog became the first casualty. I am back now and I hope (fingers crossed) to keep this fire burning regularly. Hope to see you guys often, and fervently hoping that you'll also be adding some fuel to the blaze on a regular basis.

If It's Tuesday, It Must Be Time To Run Some Errands

Last Saturday (Aug 8), I presented myself to the hospital sharp at 8 am in the morning, doggy bag in hand. As ordered, I had been starving for the past 12 hours. For the next six hours, a steady procession of staff from the hospital proceeded to do things to me -- smear my chest and abdomen with sticky (and yucky!) stuff, attach coloured wires to my body, jab me, poke me with scary looking instruments, pull different parts of my anatomy, press some painful areas, shine a light into the darkest recesses, extract blood, and so on.

But, what I couldn’t understand was why did all of this have to take six hours? Truth be told, a lot of time was spent waiting in some antiseptic foyer or grey ante-room (thank goodness for the back issue of New Yorker which kept me enthralled through much of this). A lot of this wasted time was used up in waiting for some doctor or specialist to see me, a complete farce and a clever con job pulled off successfully by the hospital staff. These docs were not interested in sparing time for patients who were part of the executive health check-up system. The catch: the money paid by out-patients is shared with the docs, which is not the case with executive health check-up. One doc even summoned me to the Operation Theatre, stepped out in the middle of a surgery on some hapless soul, flipped through my records and advised me to eat well and sleep well and rushed back in to stitch up whatever parts he’d left open on the operation table! Great!

When we complained, we were told curtly: “It’s Saturday! You should’ve come on a weekday!”

This is where I have a beef. Everybody – especially those in the service industry -- expects you to spare their weekends by investing your work-days. The school insists on holding its periodic parent-teacher meetings on a weekday, when it could be probably done on a Saturday. Once when I mustered up enough nerve to murmur a feeble protest, I was promptly silenced by a stentorian voice: “It’s your child; you can’t even spare a day for her?” I felt like a heel, with the other parents immediately fixing me with an accusing look.

The refrigerator repair chap, the disembodied voice at the numerous call centres, the local MTNL office, and many others do not want to service you on a weekend. They are appalled when you gently inform them that you won’t be available on Monday, Tuesday or even the next four days because you are working. The PSU guys in the service industry even feign offence when you suggest that they should keep their customer complaint operations open throughout the weekends because that’s when people really have time to pay their bills, register their complaints or even follow them up. Everybody wants you take one day off during the week so that they don’t have to work for you on a weekend.

Just a random thought: Can this be called an HR challenge?

Capital Dilemmas

The capital markets have a new kind of beast: QIPs, or Qualified Institutional Placements. As soon as the key indices started looking up post April, the market witnessed a deluge of issues. A lot of companies raised money from the markets because they desperately needed new capital to finish pending projects. But, then, some companies also raised cash because it was available. This is a dilemma that probably all companies face today: raise money when you need it or scoop it up only because it’s freely available, even if you don’t need it.

Capital market dudes from investment banks are back, casting a long shadow on the doorsteps of many companies. They are persuading managements to take advantage of the current downturn and scoop up truck-loads of capital from the system. The rhetoric intensifies when it is a bank, which is forever capital-hungry. The logic: you’ll never get capital in such abundance in a long, long time to come. Stock up and use it during the go-go days (which are bound to come back, never mind all this talk about brown weeds). The hidden logic: after a dismal 2008, time for some fee-generation and ensure some year-end bonus.

On the other hand, the broking guys are watching carefully – the moment you raise additional equity capital (through whatever form, whether it is warrants or convertibles), they ready to put a sell on your stock. Reason: any capital raising exercise dilutes the shareholding of every large shareholder, an event that is unlikely to go down smoothly.

What’s more, here’s the dilemma within a dilemma: even assuming you bite the bait, and you do pick up equity capital from the market today, then is your company in a shape to service this additional capital? So, should companies raise capital just because liquidity is sloshing around in the system or should they wait till they are ready to put to those funds to good use? Conversely, premium might be low today, than some unpredictable time in the future, making servicing of capital easier. In the end guys, here is what this column feels is necessary: don’t fall into the trap of the smooth-talking, silver-tongued, cloven-hoofed, snake-oil salesmen. Remember they sold derivatives of derivatives of derivatives...and see where it’s got us today. Raise capital only if you need it; if it has no immediate deployment strategy, it’s going to sit on your books and force people to ask questions.

The ICICI Itch

Being big is not always such a good thing. For starters, you become an easy target for peashooters who give expression to their envy through feeble pot-shots. But, there’s another danger: size also invests people and organisations with gratuitous arrogance which manipulates them to view all criticism through a prism layered with suspicion and contempt. ICICI Bank has been at the receiving end of two comments made by its rivals. Here they are:

• State Bank of India chairman O P Bhatt is a man not normally given to controversial public statements, unlike some of his other worthy predecessors. Yet, about three weeks ago, during the bank’s annual general meeting, he allowed himself one uncharacteristic wisecrack – call it a sarcastic side-swipe – that got picked up a grateful media and was reported with great relish. Mr Bhatt is reported to have said that ICICI Bank was an “unfit” candidate for acquisition and State Bank had no plans to acquire it. According to Chinese Whispers column (dated June 23, 2009) in Business Standard newspaper: “He said, tongue firmly in cheek, that his bank had no plans to acquire ICICI Bank as it was not advisable to take over the country’s largest private sector bank in its present state.” What does “present state” really mean, pray?

• The second instance is a comment allegedly made by Mandeep Maitra, head of human resources at HDFC Bank. In a story on HDFC Bank, Business World magazine wrote this: It (HDFC Bank) also has the people, managing to get nearly 900 ICICI Bank staffers every year over the past three years. In some places, almost the entire top brass of an ICICI Bank branch would walk in for interviews. “Of course, the first thing I ask is ‘how many of you are from ICICI Bank?’ I do not want that culture out here,” quips Maitra. Of the people hired in the past three years, about 40 per cent came from other banks.
ICICI Bank has responded by sending a legal notice to Maitra, seeking an apology for the statement.

What do these two stray, and definitely unrelated, incidents indicate? One, has ICICI’s phenomenal growth, or pace of expansion, left the banking and financial services industry with many green faces and are they venting their spleen at the first inopportune moment? Or, has ICICI’s supercilious behaviour really got everybody’s goat and a general industry-wide repugnance is now finding expression through every available public forum? You decide.